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Step 317: Be ready before you move in together

adulting:

I’ve gotten a couple inbox asks about moving in with a boyfriend or girlfriend. Aside from the practical considerations of any new apartment, here are some useful things to think about:

Before you do it …

• You should probably date, very successfully, for several months after the honeymoon phase ends before moving in together. “Successfully” in this case can be defined by the things that aren’t happening: No big ugly fights, no almost breaking up or actually breaking up then getting back together, no nagging feelings that this relationship is doomed. Moving in together will not solve any of those problems.

• Sit down and have a looooong, boring talk to make sure you’re on the same page when it comes to the home itself. Is it always going to be sparkling clean, or are socks draped over a lampshade par for the course? Can you compromise on décor (or, ideally, have one person that could give a fuck less about color scheme?) Is your house loud and full of guests, or quiet with an early bedtime? You probably know a lot of these things about your boyfriend or girlfriend already, but an ounce of discussion ahead of time is worth a pound of yelling at each other to pick up those goddamn shoes.

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She never looked nice. She looked like art, and art wasn’t supposed to look nice; it was supposed to make you feel something.
Eleanor & Park, Rainbow Rowell. (via thegirlwithagodcomplex)

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